A SCARY week ahead…

We’d walk down the streets holding each other’s hand in a city far, far away. We’d then sit on one of the benches, share a snack and wipe snow off our boots – that’s the dream I’d dream.
I’d speak for about 45 minutes, give a bonus of 10 minutes and once I’m done; they’d all stand on their feet. 50,000 delegates from all over the world would then give me a standing ovation. Trying not to cry, I clap my hands, make a small pirouette with my hand held up in acknowledgement as I get off the stage – that’s the dream I’d dream.
My young daughter and I would look through our binoculars at Maasai Mara in one of the Safari Vans and as gracefully as ever, point to the animals and teach her, “That’s a giraffe. That’s a lion. That one there is a wildebeest.”
“Daddy, say what?”
“W-i-l-d-e-b-e-e-s-t.” – That’s the dream I’d dream.

Now the blankets are on one side of the bed. Silence can be heard. Darkness can be felt. I lie with my face upwards, listening to music, scared. I know I should be reading and preparing. Even as I write this, I’m aware of that. The feeling is just not there. It’s not laziness because I want to read. My will-power has failed me. Can I now get that power of Yours?
For the first time – I think – I’m scared of the coming week. I’m trying to dream but it ain’t happening. Trying to picture myself walking into a car dealership and leaving the showroom with a brand new Audi… to no avail. Maybe because it’s a selfish one but dreaming is free and I feel it’s as if I have to pay for this one.

I feel I’m not ready. In the three years I’ve been at ‘The’ University, we’ve never had four CATs in a week. NEVER. Then comes this week. I just feel I’m not prepared and I’ll terribly fail if You, Lord won’t come through. I don’t know how time has passed. I must say I feel like a person heading into a dark jungle to face a hungry tiger with no gun. Maybe I thought with just 6 units it’d be an easy ride but… I want to say sorry but will it change anything? You know I sit at the front during the exams, away from my best friends just in case I feel a temptation to look at their papers and jot their answers down; so it’s just me and You. I’d wish to tell You it’ll never happen again but I’m not good in keeping my word. Just the way I make a lot of friends and fail in keeping the friendships last: I’ll let you down if I promise. Just being honest.

  • Monday, 10th; Introduction to Geodesy.
  • Wednesday, 12th; Remote Sensing Systems.
  • Thursday, 13th; Geospatial Surface Modelling.
  • Thursday, 13th; Engineering Mathematics.

I’m scared. Doubts are feeling my mind. My heart is growing faint. It’s just me and You. No mwakenya. Plus how my classmates think I’m good in academics doesn’t help either. That I can answer all the questions but if only they knew… Don’t put me to shame.

Can I pray for Your favor and wisdom to You who does immeasurably more than I could ever ask or even imagine? Can I ask You to take the tests for me? But I also know that You cannot be mocked, a man reaps what he sows. Right?

I need you this week. I really, really do. I do.

You already know what I need even before I ask and so all in all Lord may You go ahead of me this week and no matter what, I’ll be singing when the evening comes for my Faith is sealed.

One more thing, I’d appreciate if You returned my dreams and fulfilled them too.

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